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Monday, November 22, 2010

The Weather Is JUST the Weather

I promise.  

Just because it is stormy outside, it doesn’t mean you have to feel stormy inside.  Now this example won’t work for those of us who flourish in rain, or will it?  

Let’s compare Bill (assuming he hates bad weather) and me. 

I was raised in South San Francisco.  It was foggy and bleak, nearly every day.  Really.  I’d have to call my friend down the hill to see what to wear, because the pea soup I lived in, I could never tell.  So, the weather man says rain.  I smile, pull out my favorite boots and maybe the camera.  Bill on the other hand, gets up, grumbles at his wife, slams the door to the car and yells at the cat. “I hate this weather, it always puts me in a bad mood!” 

Really?  The weather has that power?  The weather causes Bill to have a bad day?  How about people?  “He makes me so mad!” . . . “She really irritates me!” . . . Oh?  “That makes me crazy!”  Are you sure?  Do these statements seem silly when you are logically and openly reading this?  Well then, instead determine where the power really is!  

In you.

YOU make yourself mad, sad, angry, irritated, annoyed . . . and/or happy, joyful, successful, powerful.  You decide.  You figure out where the power is, and allow that source to wield it.  

Seriously, the weather will happen, there is nothing you nor I can do about it.  It has its own power, just like you, just like me.  The weather is just the weather.  

You are You.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

A Cure For Children Only?

I Read this today about Children. . .

“We can hurt a child’s self-esteem by:

1. Putting them down.

2. Breaking Promises.

3. Not allowing them choices and independence

4. Not giving them respect and privacy

5. Denying their feelings and personal identify.

6. Not being consistent.

Joyce and Dennis Ashton 9n “But If Not” V3p71

All excellent advice and certainly very true. BUT. . .

Doesn’t each one of these apply to all people? Adults included? I believe so. What happens when someone puts YOU down? Does it increase your awareness? Do you immediately respond with ‘Well now, that was insightful, I think I’ll change right away?” I highly doubt it. Usually we respond in one of two ways, defensiveness or ignoring. Neither are helpful or uplifting.

What about a broken promise? While it causes the person who broke the promise to diminish in your estimation, don’t we often thing, “Well, s/he must not really care about me. . . S/he must think I’m not worth following through. . .” etc. How about number three? What happens when you feel like your choices have been taken away? Does it EVERY increase your desire to be warmer, more loving, a better person, more obedient? It doesn’t for me. It makes me resentful, angry and often MORE desirous to do exactly what has been denied (Maybe I’m just a rebel at heart) .

Perhaps my point has been made and I needn’t go through each of the above, but my suggestion is this: Each living person needs to feel accepted; worthy of integrity; able to choose; respected; allowed to explore preferences and valued enough for commitment.

Next time someone annoys you, consider what Henry Wadsworth Longfellow says.

"If we could read the secret history of our enemies,

we would find in each man's life

a sorrow and a suffering

enough to disarm all hostility." ~