Life - Relationship - Intimacy - Career Coaching

Search This Blog

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Just Believe

I would be remiss if I didn't write just a little about the most beautiful holiday seasons.  For some, they are joy-filled, exciting, perfect.  For many others, too many, they are stress-filled, over-taxed and sometimes very lonely.

Much of the season is created by our circumstances.  When I was happily married with little ones, it was stress-ful, certainly, but it was full of joy and anticipation and fun.  Then when that family splintered, I was left with the feeling that I had to 'do it all'.  See every Christmas show, participate in every bit of music, over-spend and over-do to make up for the 'brokenness' that was now to be our 'new normal'.

Then the next year, I fell into apathy.  Painful, painless apathy.  I just didn't care.  The tree was purchased, but never decorated until Christmas Eve.  The bare minimums were the rule as it was 'his year' for the children.  It was lonely and sad, but there were still moments of joy.  Even then.

These days have fallen in to a more low-key affair.  With a new life and new people in that life, our traditions too have morphed.  Some that no long serve our family have been relegated to the next generation to carry on.  Some have been abandoned all together.  Some I even now hold on to tightly.  All of that is good.

We enter each season with hope, even if that hope is buried deeply and like Ebenezer, shrouded by too many years of hurt to shine forth.  Still, we hope that this year, something will be different, better, perfect.

I learned something.  I learned that what I believe, is what is.  When I believe that I am unloved, unneeded and unnecessary, I am.  Simply because I make myself transparent and I don't put forth the effort to brighten the hours of anyone else.  When I believe I am loved and surrounded by wonderful loving people, I am.  Simply because they respond to me in turn.  It is a simple principle when put into action.

So I believe.  I believe in the goodness of humanity.  I believe in magic and miracles and the sweetness that surrounds my world.  I believe there are daily bits of wonder to notice and embrace.  I believe that there are waiting angels to support and inspire and assist when needed most.   I believe there is beauty and good and perfection in the tiniest of things.

This season see if what you look for might be wonder, hope, service, magic and let the stress, grumpy people, commercialism and gluttony pass by unremarkably.  It will be a season to remember.


Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Reasons and Excuses

So. . . there are reasons that my last post was months ago, but there are no real excuses.  I seem to find the time to do other things that I have 'no time for'.  I think that the reasons, while valid, still are only excuses for a deeper lack of motivation, inspiration perhaps, or priority.  Yes I believe that is it.  I am motivated, and WANT to write, I want to assist others with the tools and ah-ha moments that come so swiftly and often, and yet I don't 'get to it'.  I definitely have constant ideas swirling around, a list of 'posts to write', so that isn't it either, but priority might just be it. 

Of late, I've discovered a new sense of transparency.  A sort of sense of willingness to be more open with my flaws and needs and ideas and disquiet.  Here are some of my 'reasons' and understand that they are in no particular order other than what pops into my head first.

  • A flood that left us without a kitchen for five months (still not completely back to normal) 
  • Two weddings
  • Two funerals
  • A new granddaughter born at 24 weeks and 1 lb 8 oz and a subsequent trip to Texas
  • Chaos
  • A belief that 'no one reads this anyway'
  • Too many church callings and responsibilities
  • Too many business obligations and demands
  • New opportunities and writing venues
  • A series (the 15 things) that requires graphics, which in turn require a goodly amount of time to produce and an inability, scratch that, an unwillingness to do just a half-job. 
While not every reason, those are the ones that come first to mind.  So. . . I neglect, postpone, promise myself I'll do it 'tomorrow' and don't.

It must be tomorrow.

I have been writing though, writing in other places about my faith, my interest in uplifting women and my employment.

Here are a few: - Growing Faith, Strengthening Families, & Building Community - Who We Are, What We Believe, How We Live: Glimpses into LDS Life ~ A Committed  leading resource for women to enhance lives, careers & relationships.

Also Facebook pages of the above.  Join and 'like'!  Because I know you just can't get enough of me.  Hah.
So I will get the series started.  Soon.  I promise.


Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Forgive Quickly

Forgive Quickly
I will when she does!  I’ll forgive, but I’ll never forget!  Fine, but not until they’ve paid!

often am not sure about why I’m angry exactly. 
I have found however, that when I pause and remember this quote I heard years ago, the anger, the bitterness and the fear often melts into a sort of guilty knowledge that I’m only hurting myself more.  It went something like this:
Text Box: Refusing to forgive
Is like taking poison
And expecting the other person
To die.

It seems to simple, and yet at times it is really difficult to just let go.  To know that my reliving, making excuses and wallowing isn’t  helping at all.  Not even a little.  IN the case of a relationship I want to keep valid or in tack, it is pouring salt into the open wounds.  Someone also said, you can be right, or you can be happy, sometimes you can’t be both.  I sorta like happy better.  So when I choose to quickly forgive, I don’t waste time.  Especially when I know I’ll eventually ‘get over’ it anyway.  Life is so short, and the longer I live, the shorter every day, every precious moment gets. 
Forgive quickly.  Move forward.  Let the love be the antidote to the poison of bitterness, anger and unforgiveness.   Choose to be happy.  It really is that simple.

Friday, February 10, 2012

It Is What It Is

It Is What It Is
Or is it?

Life is hard.
Making money is hard.
Relationships don’t work.
It is too easy to quit.

It is what it is.

I don’t live in a mansion, but I love my home.
I’m  not a dance teacher with my own studio, but I love my voice students. 

I’m not a size four, but I’m enjoying being a six.

It is what it is. 

Anything can be made to be worse than it is, or better than it is, just by where you choose to focus.

Yes, something may be a certain way, but are there no other choices, Really? 
Can one thing be shifted, even a little?  

For me, sometimes the phrase is a sigh.  It is my crutch, something I lean on so that I don’t have to look deeper and fix what is broken. Then other times it is a support, a soft place to land when I consider what my choices are, and what they are NOT.  Sometimes just the ‘knowing what you can change, and what you can not’ is a warm blanket allowing me to release responsibility into hands far stronger than my own.           

What is it for you? 

Friday, January 27, 2012

What’s in My Toolbox?

Ten Specific Tools to assist in
positive mood, motivational and connection changes.

Measuring Tape:  aYour ABC’s.  Each of us have things that go wrong in life.  We are affected by Adversary.  What we Believe about the cause, will form our Consequences.  For three days (or until you have five examples) write down A- Your adversarial event.  B – Your belief about why the event occurred and C – The Consequence for you because of the event.  For example:   A – You called your friend, and left a message, but they didn’t return your call.  B – “They didn’t call me back because. . .  (They don’t really care about me, they were out of town, I’m not a very good friend, so of course they don’t want to talk to me. . . whatever) C – I felt ______ ( They didn’t call because I’m not a good friend, so I felt depressed and didn’t bother calling anyone else) and so I ____________. 
            Notice how your belief is directly in correlation to how you respond, positively or negatively.   You’ll find that optimism energizes while pessimism creates passivity and discouragement.   1 – Martin Seligman – Learned Optimism pp 212

The Hammer: A hammer bangs and pounds.  What resonates with you?  What really gives you that ‘wow’! feeling? For some it is reading, for others, going fishing, some have their best ideas in their dreams.  When do yours come?

The Screwdriver: - A Screwdriver twists.  It turns and tightens.  Once we have an idea, what helps you to solidify and strengthen that idea? Is it a journal?  A check list?  A prayer?  A friend to share your goal with?  What helps YOU be more firm in your resolve? 

The Ruler: - How do you measure your success?  Are you one who makes short-term, long-term goals and then rewards yourself when you accomplish them?  Or are you rather one who doesn’t even get on the scale until you are halfway closer to your goal, check in, and keep going without a lot of reinforcement?  Do you do best with a mentor who you share little steps and backsliding with?  How do you best measure your results or approximations?

The Saw: - Saws cut, but they also multiply.  Where once you had one piece of wood, now you have two smaller, more manageable pieces.  What helps you to divide up your concerns?  Does it help to focus in on smaller and smaller parts, and conquer them or are you better when you shave off bits and pieces that are unnecessary and superfluous to your success? 

Pliers: - Pliers pinch and give you a better grip.  Does it help you to have someone to report to?  Do you do best when you clutch on with a steady grip until you are finished, or do you prefer to pinch a little, put it away for awhile and then pinch a bit more later? 
Clamp:  What helps you really hold tight and stay motivated?  Are you a daily reward type, or one who can work for awhile and then reward yourself with something even bigger, or perhaps one who feels that a completed goal is its own reward?  What keeps you clamped on?

Wrench: A wrench turns.  It clamps on and gives you leverage.  Leverage is using something smaller to tweak something much larger.  What gives you your best leverage?  Is it your ability to stick to something, or perhaps your fierce desire, or even perhaps your coach or support system that helps you with every step?

Sandpaper: - How do you finalize and sand down the tiny rough places when you are nearly ‘there’?  Do you just leave things ‘almost’ finished, or are you willing to really get in and complete your goals to a fine sheen?

Thursday, January 12, 2012

A Reason Isn’t Evil, It Is Just A Reason. – NLP

A Reason Isn’t Evil, It Is Just A Reason.  – NLP
I think, and isn’t that why you are reading this, to see what I think?  Anyway, I think. . . that too often we demonize so many of our little imperfections that we forget that every one of them is there because it gives us something.  While it may and probably is better that we rid ourselves of poor habits, annoying tendencies and unbecoming personality traits, I think we forget that we have to honor those choices before we can send them to their ‘thank you for your service’ retirement.  

I know that I used to really hate to get up early.  Hated it.  Loved luxuriously sleeping in and staying up until the wee hours of the morning, sometimes not even going to bed at all.  While I wanted to ‘change’ it, because ‘people’ said it was better for me, I didn’t feel I had the capacity or the motivation.  I wanted to my freedom and I gave every ‘reason’ I could come up with to show both how I ‘couldn’t’ and why I ‘shouldn’t’.  

A man convinced against his will, holds the same opinion still. 

Staying up late was fun. I loved the quiet.  I could work uninterrupted.  These were its serviceable attributes.  Yes, I knew that it made me tired in the morning.  That it kept me from sharing my partners bed.  That it created a foggy brain that lasted nigh until dinner the next day.  However, until I was able to appreciate what it gave me and find other ways to get those same benefits, I was stuck.  

One day a friend asked me to watch the sunrise together.  So I unwillingly, but dutifully got up early that next morning.  It was quiet.  It was beautiful!  I was sharp and accomplished twice as much before the rest of the house arose.  Then, I was tired at 9 the next night and slept soundly to awaken the next day early.  Suddenly and almost without effort, I put away the old and took on the newer better, more serviceable attribute of arising early. 
Every bad attribute has something it is giving its slaves.  Find that positive, replace it with something else that accomplishes the same thing and the negative attribute no longer has power.  

It isn’t evil, it is just a reason.  A stress-relief, something that makes one feel powerful, smarter, sexier. An escape, gives more energy, allows the voices in the head to silence for awhile.  

Find the reason, not just the action.  As Donald Trump says, “Focus on the Solution”.  

Here is to New Years and a better us.
 (for more info on NLP - write me)