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Friday, January 27, 2012

What’s in My Toolbox?

Ten Specific Tools to assist in
positive mood, motivational and connection changes.

Measuring Tape:  aYour ABC’s.  Each of us have things that go wrong in life.  We are affected by Adversary.  What we Believe about the cause, will form our Consequences.  For three days (or until you have five examples) write down A- Your adversarial event.  B – Your belief about why the event occurred and C – The Consequence for you because of the event.  For example:   A – You called your friend, and left a message, but they didn’t return your call.  B – “They didn’t call me back because. . .  (They don’t really care about me, they were out of town, I’m not a very good friend, so of course they don’t want to talk to me. . . whatever) C – I felt ______ ( They didn’t call because I’m not a good friend, so I felt depressed and didn’t bother calling anyone else) and so I ____________. 
            Notice how your belief is directly in correlation to how you respond, positively or negatively.   You’ll find that optimism energizes while pessimism creates passivity and discouragement.   1 – Martin Seligman – Learned Optimism pp 212

The Hammer: A hammer bangs and pounds.  What resonates with you?  What really gives you that ‘wow’! feeling? For some it is reading, for others, going fishing, some have their best ideas in their dreams.  When do yours come?

The Screwdriver: - A Screwdriver twists.  It turns and tightens.  Once we have an idea, what helps you to solidify and strengthen that idea? Is it a journal?  A check list?  A prayer?  A friend to share your goal with?  What helps YOU be more firm in your resolve? 

The Ruler: - How do you measure your success?  Are you one who makes short-term, long-term goals and then rewards yourself when you accomplish them?  Or are you rather one who doesn’t even get on the scale until you are halfway closer to your goal, check in, and keep going without a lot of reinforcement?  Do you do best with a mentor who you share little steps and backsliding with?  How do you best measure your results or approximations?

The Saw: - Saws cut, but they also multiply.  Where once you had one piece of wood, now you have two smaller, more manageable pieces.  What helps you to divide up your concerns?  Does it help to focus in on smaller and smaller parts, and conquer them or are you better when you shave off bits and pieces that are unnecessary and superfluous to your success? 

Pliers: - Pliers pinch and give you a better grip.  Does it help you to have someone to report to?  Do you do best when you clutch on with a steady grip until you are finished, or do you prefer to pinch a little, put it away for awhile and then pinch a bit more later? 
Clamp:  What helps you really hold tight and stay motivated?  Are you a daily reward type, or one who can work for awhile and then reward yourself with something even bigger, or perhaps one who feels that a completed goal is its own reward?  What keeps you clamped on?

Wrench: A wrench turns.  It clamps on and gives you leverage.  Leverage is using something smaller to tweak something much larger.  What gives you your best leverage?  Is it your ability to stick to something, or perhaps your fierce desire, or even perhaps your coach or support system that helps you with every step?

Sandpaper: - How do you finalize and sand down the tiny rough places when you are nearly ‘there’?  Do you just leave things ‘almost’ finished, or are you willing to really get in and complete your goals to a fine sheen?

Thursday, January 12, 2012

A Reason Isn’t Evil, It Is Just A Reason. – NLP

A Reason Isn’t Evil, It Is Just A Reason.  – NLP
I think, and isn’t that why you are reading this, to see what I think?  Anyway, I think. . . that too often we demonize so many of our little imperfections that we forget that every one of them is there because it gives us something.  While it may and probably is better that we rid ourselves of poor habits, annoying tendencies and unbecoming personality traits, I think we forget that we have to honor those choices before we can send them to their ‘thank you for your service’ retirement.  

I know that I used to really hate to get up early.  Hated it.  Loved luxuriously sleeping in and staying up until the wee hours of the morning, sometimes not even going to bed at all.  While I wanted to ‘change’ it, because ‘people’ said it was better for me, I didn’t feel I had the capacity or the motivation.  I wanted to my freedom and I gave every ‘reason’ I could come up with to show both how I ‘couldn’t’ and why I ‘shouldn’t’.  

A man convinced against his will, holds the same opinion still. 

Staying up late was fun. I loved the quiet.  I could work uninterrupted.  These were its serviceable attributes.  Yes, I knew that it made me tired in the morning.  That it kept me from sharing my partners bed.  That it created a foggy brain that lasted nigh until dinner the next day.  However, until I was able to appreciate what it gave me and find other ways to get those same benefits, I was stuck.  

One day a friend asked me to watch the sunrise together.  So I unwillingly, but dutifully got up early that next morning.  It was quiet.  It was beautiful!  I was sharp and accomplished twice as much before the rest of the house arose.  Then, I was tired at 9 the next night and slept soundly to awaken the next day early.  Suddenly and almost without effort, I put away the old and took on the newer better, more serviceable attribute of arising early. 
Every bad attribute has something it is giving its slaves.  Find that positive, replace it with something else that accomplishes the same thing and the negative attribute no longer has power.  

It isn’t evil, it is just a reason.  A stress-relief, something that makes one feel powerful, smarter, sexier. An escape, gives more energy, allows the voices in the head to silence for awhile.  

Find the reason, not just the action.  As Donald Trump says, “Focus on the Solution”.  

Here is to New Years and a better us.
 (for more info on NLP - write me)