Reconsiderations and Ministrations

Thank You for. . .Vs. I’m Sorry. . . Women, we say “I’m sorry” too much. Yes, I know it is nice to hear sometimes, and some people can’t forgive until they hear those words. However, it can also be the words that heighten a situation, grow tension, and even makes the other person feel bad. For instance. I show up late to an appointment. Nevermind the reason. The fact is, I’m late, and the other person has been needlessly waiting and wasting valuable time. Me - “I’m so sorry I’m late.” - I feel repentitive and “less than”. I’m on the defensive, and not sure how much I need to share about the WHY of the lateness. Other person – Now, they have to either say something to ‘forgive’ my lateness, which they may not feel. Or, they may be nudged into snarkyness or passive aggressiveness. It may not have been a big deal to them, but if it is a business relationship, I’ve said something huge about my reliability, and “I’m sorry” can’t fix it. They are on the side of having to be the judge, the jury and or the grace-giver if they so choose. None of which is connecting or positive for the rest of the meeting. On the other hand, what if I say, “Thank you for waiting. I deeply appreciate it.” Suddenly, I feel grateful, with no inherent lowering of status, and the other person feels respected, and appreciated. It happens in personal moments as well. How much better does it feel to hear, “thank you for coming over,” than, “I’m sorry to bother you.” The second assumption is that the person IS bothering you, that you get ‘bothered’ by their requests. “Thank you for” states that they believe you are generous with your time and relationship. So, there are definitely times when ‘I’m sorry is most important and appropriate, but truly, “Thank you for. . .” is far more soothing and complimentary. Try it! The next time you are tempted to apologize for something, replace it with “Thank you” and see how you feel, and see if you can tell the other person feels more seen as well. ---{--<© MGSKeller